I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
