I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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