I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
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they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
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I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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