omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
