before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
