if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
