I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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