M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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