Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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