:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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