Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize
