Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Buhtt sex?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
we're so committed to being not committed
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
