my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
i black out too much to be "responsible"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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