It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
