would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
