In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
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