Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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