No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Are we still banned from the library?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
