hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
