the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
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Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
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she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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