Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
