just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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