Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
