it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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