K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Randomize
