Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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