Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I currently don't understand fingers.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
