you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Randomize
