If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
