He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
