He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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