True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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