found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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