I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
