Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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