I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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