Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Gay?
German.
Pity.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
