Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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