So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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