I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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