i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She bit a glass in half.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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