am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
