I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
