love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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