That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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