I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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