I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
