your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
