At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
