If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
