What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
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He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
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How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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