hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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