Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
