glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
is wine microwaveable?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
The air was thick with penises
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
