Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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