Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
