guys are not supposed to queef...right?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
