Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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