you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
