Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
