the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky š
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote āColleenās Dickāwith a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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