mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I supernannyed him into submission
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