I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
