We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
