i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
