You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Someone shattered a urinal.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
