Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
