When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
