yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
