How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
