I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
