Just fell off a train. Bad.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Farmville is her only friend.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
