I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Randomize
