I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
