easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
