M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
