Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Randomize
