Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
