He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
im six kinds of drunk right now
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
