my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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