Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
