First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
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It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
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