Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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