ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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