you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Randomize
